So John Oliver tackled the subject of state legislatures and how nobody pays attention to them. He also talked about how corrupt, stupid and venal state legislators can sometimes be. And he ignored New York State. WTF?
How can this be? How could he not recognize, respect and gaze in awe of Albany's long history of world-class buffoonery, idiocy and criminality? Do you feel offended? I do.
Dear John Oliver. You blew it. Hawaii is more worthy of mention than us? And effing Rhode Island? Really?
That's bullshit, John. Here's why.
Go ahead and try to top Vito
Women were forced to massage his body, pressured to spend the night with him in hotel rooms, instructed to wear skimpy skirts and high heels and subjected to "forced intimate contact" as Lopez repeatedly rubbed their thighs, even as they tried to swat him away, they told investigators.
One woman was made to feel the tumors on his neck, shoulder and armpit as Lopez, who has cancer, told her he was dying and "needed" her. Another contracted pinkeye after being made to put drops into his affected eye.
We could probably end the debate right here. Creepy old guy that looks like a Sopranos extra makes pretty young women touch the tumors in his armpit, gives another young woman pinkeye. Boom. We win.
But let's continue, shall we?
Speaking of prison, how often does your state arrest six lawmakers simultaneously? If you do, do they then make requests like this?
The government's evidence in a political corruption case – audio and video recordings, text messages, emails and more – is so voluminous that each of the six defendants is being asked to provide a 150-gigabyte hard drive to hold it.
Oh, and the "brains" of that operation was a Democratic state Senator, a former Senate Majority Leader* and one of the highest ranking African American elected officials in New York history, was bribing everyone he seemingly could find so that he could become the Republican nominee for NYC mayor. Top that, Rhode Island.
The guy who became Majority Leader after genius-GOP-mayor-wanna-be-guy (in that coup) tried to buy a Bentley with money he stole from his non-profit but couldn't because his credit sucked. He was also one of the "four amigos." He's now in federal prison for corruption.
Another of the "amigos" did drive a Bentley. On a $80K salary. He's also in prison for corruption.
The guy who replaced failed-Bentley-buyer-guy as Majority Leader is awaiting trial on federal corruption charges. He's almost certainly going to prison. He just overwhelmingly won his primary race last month after the Brooklyn Democratic Machine went all out to send him back to Albany.
The couldn't-buy-a-Bentley-guy won his seat when the previous occupant, Bronx Senator Effrain Gonzalez was indicted (and later sentenced to 7 years) for robbing his non-profit to pay for a house in the Dominican Republic and to buy Yankees tickets.
Queens Democratic State Senator Shirley Huntley, who looks like a church lady and voted like one too, was sentenced to a year and a day in federal prison for looting her sham non-profit of over $100,000.
And these are all stories off the top of my head from just the last 5 years. This has been going on for centuries. We're the world effing champs of cheap criminality, corruption and petty and profound bamboozelment, Mr. Oliver. Show some respect!
How dare you give us such short shrift?
You can see Mr. Oliver's painfully New York State-free commentary on state legislatures below. But it should've had way more New York in it.
*Full disclosure: And my boss at one time.
(image via YouTube)